Humor & Fun Stuff

Ha Ha Ha Ha

Announcing the New!!
Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge Device, Otherwise Known as the BOOK!
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology:
no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries,
nothing to be connected or switched on.
It's so easy to use even a child can operate it.
Just lift its cover. Compact and portable,
it can be used anywhere--
even sitting in an armchair by the fire--
yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed
of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable),
each capable of holding thousands of bits of information.
These pages are locked together with a custom-fit
device called a binder which keeps the sheets
in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet,
manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information
directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you
to the next sheet. The book may be
taken up at any time and
used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly
to any sheet, and move forward and backward as you wish.
Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints
the exact location of any selected
information for instant retrieval.

Funny

THE BLONDE IN THE LIBRARY

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said,
"I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters
and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said,
"Ahh. So you must be the person who took our PHONE BOOK!!!"

Dumb blonde

Oxymoron's
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works

Chicken in a Library?

Chicken

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook".

The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook". Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out. The librarian shakes her head.

Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: "boook, book, bok bok boook". The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time as the chicken is running out the door, she follows it.

The chicken runs down the street, through the park and down to the riverbank. There, sitting on a lily pad is a big, green frog. The chicken holds up the book and shows it to the frog, saying: "Book, bok, bok, boook".
The frog blinks, and croaks: "read-it, read-it, read-it".

Frog